Paul Jennings Unbeatable Collection

Unreal! Its Unreal... The flies were up to my armpits and they were still falling. I was scared out of my wits. I didnt want to drown in a sea of flies. Its a bit much really. A reunion of bones. The irresistible kisser. Wonder underpants. Cow-dung custard. Unseen! A peek at the Unseen... This is unbelievable. This is unreal. What is going on here First I get a toilet seat stuck around my face and now this little parrot is following me around. Unseen events like... the dead coming back to life, escaping a man-eating ghost, growing spare fingers, and cheating the fate that awaits you. Uncovered! Im Uncovered... I try to hide my nakedness with my hand. But it doesnt work. Everyone can see. Also on show... Bad rabbit Habits. Rapt - in toilet paper. Birds with teeth. A live face on the wall. Unmentionable! Unmentionable Sure. But Ill try to tell you anyway. The sludge in that tanker was the stuff of nightmares. My nightmares as it turned out. Some things you just cant talk about... Locked in the loo; Kissing a cold. cold kid; Being a little squirt; Burning your behind. Uncanny! I stared at Dads eyes through the gas mask and remembered our handshake. A deal is a deal. With pounding heart, I walked into the soggy, wet mouth of the dead whale. Its uncanny... turning into a dung beetle, catching someone elses tattoos, being in bed with a ghost who tickles, seeing a flying dog. Unbelievable! Unbelievable Maybe. But Im telling you its true. The crusher had pushed all the air out of my lungs. It was squeezing me tighter and tighter. I know I had only seconds to live. Believe it or not... A kid can grow younger; Birds can bury you; Ghosts have exams; There are eyes in the milk. Unbearable! Its Unbearable... The birds perch is swinging to and fro and hitting me on the nose. I can see my eye in its mirror. Unbearably weird... You have the foulest feet ever; There are flies for lunch; A goat swallows your opal; And you have lived before. Undone! Im Undone... Yes. ...